It’s been five years since I hucked a piece of what was once my life into the ocean. Never again to be seen to enter my body. I call it my journey away from darkness.
No one I knew thought I had a problem with either drugs or alcohol. I guess I hid things well. My world of darkness was shared inside myself. Inside a hollow black cloud that hung over my head and walked with me wherever I went.
It was a hot summer day half a decade ago when I made the decision to seek help. To reach out. Although denial staggered the first steps, I faced the music. Weak. Out of control. I was emotionally shattered.
Call them excuses, at least that’s what I made them out to be. I had been laid off from a great job. Found out by hearing it on the news on the first week of my holiday. My best friend died of lung cancer. Ten days later my dad died. All within a year. I had no where to hang my hat.
My built in comforts were becoming wake and bakes and nooners in a pub. Not good. I could hide there forever. But I soon realized. I was going nowhere.
I can look back on that day and remember it like it was yesterday. How I felt, how I knew I looked.
The people who surrounded me at my first meeting gave me Kleenex. They knew where I was. So did someone close to me, who I also reached out to.
Books helped. So did talking about it. Acceptance was critical. Soon, days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months.
The years have now passed. My life is fresh. My mind is clear. My eyes are bright. My body is proud. My brain thinks. My creativity flourishes. And my heart sings – LIBERTY!