Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Healing Received


Some people can see things others don’t.
Like Chakras.
It’s an unfamiliar language to many.
I know when I first heard the speak.
After a devastating separation, a close friend asked me to close my eyes. What colour did I see she asked?
It was black.
Not surprising given my state of mind.
It should be purple.
Soon after I received my first Reiki healing. My pain was obvious.
In the heart.
Many use the gift of their hands for healing, using the power of the Universe.
Tonight I was fortunate to have my good neighbour and friend, Tara visit me.
I was comfortable and open to receiving.
As her hands waved across my body she easily picked up my pain and blockages.
No surprise given nine days ago I’d fractured my pelvis in two places, along with my clavicle.
Throughout the healing I could feel tension in my body releasing. At one point my four fingers on my right side sharply raised up in the air. Like a policeman telling you to stop at a crosswalk.
Pinks, purples and blacks swirled as her hands moved to different areas of my body.
She sensed muscle strain and some fear.
I felt a wider pathway to healing received.
For that I am so grateful.

Monday, 30 May 2011

The Pain Path


While you’re in it, you know it. But once it’s gone you’ll forget all about it.
At least that’s what I keep reminding myself.
Especially at night.
Sleeping with a fractured pelvis is a challenge.
I can last three or four hours at the most on my back and then I need to sit up.
Thankfully I’m now able to get up and walk to the washroom.
Seems to take the strain off the lower back.
For that I am grateful.
As I hobble through the day my spirit reminds me.
You are healing!
The pain path - it’s temporary.

Saturday, 28 May 2011

One Step Forward


Didn’t realize I’d become so dependent on other people. Little things like opening the door for you. Holding the door open.
Buying groceries.
Doing laundry.
Driving a car.
Caring.
Loving.
Sympathy.
I need it.
It’s been since Sunday. I’m doing super good. Except for last night. I torqued my pelvis out so bad I thought I was back at square one.
This morning when I got up at the ungodly hour of 3 a.m., I wondered if I’d last the day.
Pretty much said it out loud by the time I got to Government Street and Belleville.
Then I was instructed to walk a block to where I needed to activate and appoint a Captain of a smozzle of volunteers I’d had to recruit for the start/finish area.
An angel appeared with a cushion and a chair.
Thankfully I didn’t have to man it long and was recruited to the plush office at Parkside for activating the Social Media.
My gosh. I barely got time to amble to the washroom to pea!
My 4pm when I looked up it dawned on me.
Who am I doing this for?
I hadn’t eaten. I didn’t really have anyone I could call.
I was stuck.
Yet, I pressed on until the blindness set in. Fuel was needed for the fire. Morphine for the pain.
I launched myself away. Away away.
And then again I said.
Who am I doing this for?
One step forward, three steps back.

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

The Healing Journey

When I saw Shelley cross her legs in the yoga position on a comfy big wing back chair I immediately thought, “I can hardly wait till I can do that again!”
Oddly it’s something I’ve been missing. I guess I used to do it a lot.
Sleeping was hard. By 4:30am I was able to make my way to my right side (the good side) with a pillow between the legs. The clavicle didn’t love it. But I managed a few solid hours of sleep.
Fits of crying seem to erupt when I’ve walked too far and the pain measures up. Although today I managed a full day sitting up and working at my computer. For that I was proud.
I’m taking smaller doses of morphine for pain management.
But the real break though was crawling into bed at 6pm. I was able to cross legs at my ankles!
A pelvis does a lot I’ve realized. Having two fractures is painful. But each moment seems to get better. Although it will be a while before I’m running again.
I remembered awaking to the feeling of the bike sliding underneath me. I shook it off.
Never again!
The healing journey has begun.
Back in the saddle in no time!

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Broken Wings

Yup, life can change in a heart beat.
I was super excited Sunday morning getting ready for my long roady. Mindy and I were going to do a 90km loop.
Even soaked the steel cut oats in water overnight.
It had rained in the night. I set the odometer to 0 and clipped in with a smile on my face.
Was pretty stoked to be heading out with my new back wheel. I’d broken a few spokes and had a loaner on for a while. Yesterday I managed the newbie. Wow I had so much more power.
I took to the streets with some speed. But when I went to cross the train tracks somehow, my back end fishtailed out and I went down hard. Very hard. Hip, shoulder, then head.
I knew it was bad. I had to gasp for air.
Seconds passed and I was able to move my weight to my right side off my hip. I could see cars driving by.
Then I heard someone come up behind me.
“Are you OK? Can you get up.”
“No, I replied. I can’t move.”
In fits of calmness I asked for help. My phone. Somewhere behind me. He called 911. I called my son.
“Kyle, I went down really hard off my bike. I need you to come and get my bike for me – NOW.”
I was a block away from meeting Mindy. So I asked a fellow cyclists to hook up for me.
At this point many people were stopping to put blankets on me and ask if they could help.
That dang pavement is hard!
At one point while waiting for the ambulance I had my son sit behind me to prop me up.
I’d known child birth. Non-medicated. The pain was right up there. I knew I’d done something bad to my pelvis.
The nurse who took to my care remained positive.
“Probably a bad tear.”
I imagined it. My cleat. The release.
But as I rolled over to x-ray my body went into shock. I’d known the feeling from a previous bike accident. Same hip. Same side. But in the past case – a lot more road rash.
She convinced me when I got out of x-ray to take the shot of morphine.
Then she told me it looked like I had a couple fractures.
We talked a lot about cycling. Riding in a pack. She’s signed up to do the 140km Ryder Hesjedal’s Tour de Victoria. Nervous about riding in the packs.
I gave her my insights. “You’re gonna love it!”
The day wore on and the pain subsided. I was later told I fractured my left superior and inferior pubic ramus (pelvis) and the distal end of my clavicle in my left shoulder.
Awakening to the realization I’m going to need a lot of healing, one by one I alerted family, friends and co-workers.
I’m receiving amazing care.
Yesterday I was able to stand and take a few baby steps. I’m now able to pivot myself to the port-pottie even!
But when I woke up yesterday morning in a hospital bed, not even 24 hours later I thought it was all a bad dream.
Truth be known I shed a few.
The day drew on and I sat back to do my work as best I could.
Gotta keep the sanity.
Friends and even my boss came in for hugs.
The day’s recital went like this:
“I’m so grateful I didn’t break my head. I don’t need surgery and yes – I will heal!”
It’s temporary.
The broken wings.

Friday, 20 May 2011

Born Alone Die Alone


Told this to my son recently.
He’s thinking about grooving away from the roots. So he should. But tagging along with the girlfriend. I told him to live his life as he should. Not to get wrapped up. Dependency won’t get you independence.
No matter. He’ll do what he wants anyway.
This morning I wake up alone and sing to myself, “Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me!”
Yup, I’d spent the last year thinking I was what I am today so I was relieved to realize I didn’t really gain a year.
Off I tootled for my pre-dawn roll (bike ride).
Waffled at the roll-out, whether I was going to ride with the B’s or the C’s. Technically I’m a B- so I ended up between - ironically.
I couldn’t quite catch the pack of B’s in my hesitation and then I hit the red light.
As I rolled through the country roads catching glimpses of the dew shining in the early morning light I thought to myself, perfect way to start the birthday.
You’re born alone. You die alone.
Nothing wrong with being alone.

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

The Boss Said


Worked late. Had to. Lots going on.
Loved it near the end.
“Jane, ya gotta get out for a ride!”
It’s true!
It’s what the boss said.
By the time I rolled it out it was close to 7pm.
I picked a pace. To puff along.
As the road steered home dusk was in but the sky lit up.
The most incredible bright, big, huge roll of an orange sunset.
I had to shout it out!
“Look that way – you gotta see that sunset!”
Glad I listened to the boss.
To what the boss said.

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

The Unknown Aura

Never before.
It was the first time.
She stood at the front of the room.
And spoke.
With passion.
Her voice exuded an aura.
A purple hallow about her.
I’d never seen such a sight.
I was mesmerized.
The room lit up.
Her soul so bright.
Shards of happiness ricocheted.
Like a sparkler at Halloween.
It was magic.
Where it came from?
And why?
A beautiful person beholds.
And along comes the unknown aura

Monday, 16 May 2011

Why Ride a Bike


Foolishly I bought another book. Not like I really needed it. But the title intrigued me. Ride Your Way LeanThe Ultimate Plan for Burning Fat and Getting Fit on a Bike, by Selene Yeager (and the Editors of Bicycling).
True enough. I wanna be lean.
Fact. I love to ride a bike.
Fiction. I’m in good shape!
Some of the older dudes that I ride with in the early mornings preach it pretty good. The lighter you are on the bike, the better you’ll be.
Early on in the year I gave up wearing my Lantern Rouge (it's red) jacket. Not because I’d moved out of last place.
Because the zipper kept splitting on me.
The pounds had piled up fast. By the time I was brave enough to look in the mirror (naked) I had two spare tires resting on each hip. Wahhhhhhh!
The book arrived in the mail. On the outside the package read something like, “Open Immediately!”
Eventually I did. In typical Jane fashion I opened up to skim the first few pages and chapters.
But instead of flipping though, I found myself zooming in and reading here and there. Learning things I thought I already knew.
Later in the evening I’m into the boob tube and decide to catch a few pages during commercials.
Holy cow. I’m reinventing the script.
I’ve always been a cyclist. Lived years without a car. Back in the day. Now I drive. Ridiculously short distances in a vehicle.
I was pleasantly surprised to read into the depths the reminders of the sunshine you bring into a room when you ride a bike.
Really got me thinking.
Why I need to ride a bike… more often.

Sunday, 15 May 2011

The Future Unfolds




As it will.
When it wants.
What it can.
What should be.
Right or wrong.
It’s what is meant to be.
Today, tomorrow and now.
Unbiased in thought.
Relinquished with fear.
Hold on to that seat.
For what will be, will be.
As the future unfolds.

Saturday, 14 May 2011

The Happiness Thermometer


Health and stress. Kinda go together.
Brought that home to me late last week when I paid a visit to my doctor.
The usual questions around an issue I’ve been dealing with. Annoying fatigue after I eat. Doesn’t matter what it is. Carrots or pasta.
Then I get the stress question.
I answered it honestly. Yup. There’s lots going on. Mostly career/job/financial related.
Then I get the depression questionnaire.
Hopeless was mentioned. Some days it seems are hopeless.
I left thinking I should focus on hopeful not hopeless.
There’s always a reason for everything. The crossroads are designed to send you elsewhere. Maybe somewhere you don’t expect.
Health is wealth as dear dad used to say.
Better pump up the happiness thermometer.

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

The Banana Ladies

Photograph by Jane Victoria King
A common site on the streets in Kampala, Uganda. It's my favourite picture these days. 
She happened to turn around in time for the early evening light to shine on her face. 

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Train Not Strain


Heard another thing today, which set me straight.
“Let the body catch up to the brain.”
Anotherwards, to heal up an injury you have to work it out - slowly. Even while the brain speeds ahead saying, "You’re doing ok, work harder. Do more!”
Your body may not be ready.
Tough lessons for me. I learn things the hard way.
I’m good at working through pain.
I dream of doing a triathlon. Last year while training my Achilles injury got the better of me. I didn’t take care of it (two years of it) and I fizzled the Soleus muscle in my calf on a training run. I was toast.
Not giving either a chance to fully recover I leaped into cycling. The BC Bike Race.
Pacing the pain I recovered to head back into running. The Soleus was better I figured.
Ouch. More ouches.
Back to cycling I go.
Tonight I’m doing a core and strength workout. What I hear is to NOT push though muscle pain. To STOP! Different to fatigue or aerobic pain. Much different.
Later I’m getting my second bike fit tweak. Then the best advice I hear all week.
Train – NOT strain.
Gonna now train to gain!

Monday, 9 May 2011

No Pain No Gain

Didn’t get a ride in yesterday so I decide to roll out to Western Speedway to watch the TripleShots PreDawn Cycling Club’s beginner’s race series. Give the Club some support.
Got there just in time to try out a warm-up lap with the pack. That was fun!
Then they’re off. 15 laps to go.
Not good at sitting around and doing nothing I decide to take on the position of cheerleader.
The pack soon divides. I make sure I’ve got a cheer in for everyone.
It’s exciting I have to say. A real mix of talents rolling around in circles. Some serious. Others just hanging on.
Rolling into the last few laps I hear an experienced rider, clearly coaching up to a young’in say the funniest thing.
“Dig down into that suitcase of pain!” he screeches down to him. He seemed triumphant in his manner.
I must have been the only one that heard it on the sidelines. Sure made me howl.
I rode home thinking about what you’ve got to do to get to the top. To win. Bottom line. Train hard.
No pain, no gain…

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Live Life Full


Live each day. Could be your last. Or theirs.
Thought about that today.
Wanted to dial in the roady. Momma’s day first. Breaky. Early. Then number one son.
A scroll to the northern tip of town. Uncle Len. Can’t rush. He’s  87.
Back to town. The Uganda peeps.
What if it were the last time?
So much self-absorption. All around. It’s the world today.
I respect my elders. Making time.
The day rounded with a shout out from my son.
A movie mum?
Yup.
Ya never know what tomorrow will bring.
Gotta take it.
While you can.
To live your life full.

Thursday, 5 May 2011

Dad’s Day


"On the other hand – she wore a glove."
One-liners he was good at.
With his walking stick (didn’t like anyone calling it a cane) he’d announce as he’d enter the barbershop with his stick raised pausing at the door frame, “This is a stick up!”
He’d amble in closer and look directly into the eyes of the guy cutting the hair and throw another one at him.
“Looks like you got rid of the lice!”
That was dad.
Every year on May 5 at 5:05 p.m. we gather together and raise a glass.
My younger brother and I were with him when he passed. He left with a smile on his face. At the cocktail hour of course.
Even though it’s been six years I remember it like yesterday.
The Priest at the nursing home where he’d spent the last few years of his life had handed me a parking permit earlier in the week.
It was dated May 5.
That day, my sister-in-law had showed up with split pea soup. Dad’s favourite.
We’d all been at his bedside for days.
Hours before he took his last breath a dear friend had shown up with a plate of deviled eggs. Another one of dad’s favourites.
His day had come. 
My face turned to a pout. I took the phone to notify the closest.
Sobbing uncontrollably I emptied my heart in the wake of his spirit.
Dad always knew what to say and when to say it.
He’d crack anyone up. Not everyone got it mind you.
The family enjoyed a meal and a toast tonight.
Our way of celebrating Dad’s day.

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

How Grass Grows


All of a sudden it needs mowing again.
I drive by the park everyday. Some days there are dogs. Other times it’s empty.
Blissful with the backdrop of Victoria’s Inner Harbour.
Time again to mow it.
My, how time flies.
Before you know it the day turns to night. It’s sleep time. Wake-up now. A new day!
Another season comes. A full moon. A birthday. Christmas. A New Year.
Like the moon revolving around the Earth. The sun in the sky.
A child grows up into an adult.
We live.
We die.
And the grass?
My, how the grass grows.

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Seize the Day!

Yup. Horace expressed it right. Not sure where I first heard it. Seize the Day! Yet today I ponder what’s left to seize?
Instead of celebrating democracy I’m cursing it.
Sure everyone has different points of view. Can’t say I can recall a leader that everyone has been happy with. We all prosper with our own points of view.
But in my circle, I’m not the only one.
Got a good chuckle when out for the evening ride. It was an impromptu meet-up. I happened to roll up on a couple gals.
“Where you going?” Glenowyn asked.
“An hour, hour and a half,” I replied.
“Come with us,” she replies.
We’re on our way to Thetis Lake using the multi-use cycling network.
Along the way the conversation soon jets to the aftermath. Kate who was new to me mumbled on that her mother was going to immigrate.
I replied with, "Where from?"
She wants to get out of Canada she replied. Go to New Zealand.
That closed in on a belly laugh for me.
Not the first time I’d heard of folks heading down, down south though.
Whatever have we become?
A Prime Minister with a handshake of a dead fish.
No semblance to life on earth other then the almighty dollar.
Seize the day?
Not a chance.

Monday, 2 May 2011

Vote Barf


Never thought I’d see the day.
Not much I can do.
I voted.
Told everyone else to.
It goes against my grain.
To even think what will be.
The future continues.
Ditched efforts to swing against.
Swayed by misjudged moments.
Uncalculated views.
Do you really know?
Where your values are?
Tonight. All if feel.

Is vote barf.