Shining Souls

Always there is hope.

Which is easy to say.

Had an old boyfriend who played that fiddle on me the morning after we’d had sex.

“I have hope!” he would declare.

Maybe I wasn’t half bad. Or maybe he just wasn’t getting it enough. Who knows where his brain was at. 

As it turned out, we didn’t last too long anyway.

Three full moons ago I met a stranger, who became a friend.

I love where I am at in my life. It’s easy for me to slither around. I’ve learned how to accept what is. To be in the now. To think good thoughts. To not allow friction to raise my heckles. To stay calm. Feet firmly planted.

Art fills my heart with joy. So does creative thinking. Music. 

Same with old souls

There’s always a great connection.

In finding this new friend, surprisingly I found more out about myself.

Yes, I suppose life is school. Except you never really graduate.

In his eyes I saw a bright, bright future full of the zest for life and for living. But sadly, it came with a very dark cloud over his shoulder.

Alcoholism.

It’s been almost seven years since I got rid of mine. I could see where he was at. I accepted everything about him. Didn't think any less.

Fun is always had when we are together. So is wonderful conversation, sometimes even dancing.

Hints of a crossroads for him prompted me to provide some resources. Subtlety I gave what I could, what I knew.

But at a distance.

Every once in a while we would connect again. When it was right for him.

Traces of hope started to emerge. I fed more. Again, I stood back.

This was something I didn't realize about myself. Usually I am a take the bull by the horns type of person. An action taker, when I see something that needs to be done. I do it.

At whatever cost.

Dad always used to say, "Patience is a virtue, a virtue which I have none."

Daily I find myself consumed with hope for him. He is in my every thought. That he will find the peace he needs to free himself. To reach out for the help he needs.

To save his shining soul.

To Yield the Results

Getting going is hard. Once you start, things get easier.

Providing you’re consistent.

I am happy to have a goal. Not only for my physical well-being, but for the health of others. The Enbridge Ride to Conquer Cancer, Challenge Course (160km a day times two) in June, 2012.

Not easy though when to think back in May I was a shattered soul, hopelessly limping around with a cane and a sling. Edging up the addiction to emotional eating. Just cause (I fractured my pelvis and clavicle).

It’s a minimum or should be anyway, 1.5 hours if you’re training for any kind of cycling distance and heading out. Lately I’ve been reading about the amount of time you can cut off a good hill climb when you’re shy the bulge.

I’m ambitious today. Have no clue the route. These roads are new to me. Let’s see if I can knock off two hours just for fun.

I eat a banana. No snacks to pack. A to go cup of green tea and a water bottle.

The Scottish mist turns to drizzle. I decide to clock my distance and time against my Cat Eye with the iPhone app Endomondo which, coincidently shouts out each kilometer and the time it took.

Managed to forget my glasses, which worked out fine with the downpour that came.

The commuter jacket and the paddling gloves kept me warm. So did the booties.

At 45 minutes I approach a long climb.

There are a couple runners ahead of me.

Who’s going to get to the top first I think to myself? I should be able to gitty-up and go ahead!

I did try.

As we round the corner I manage to pedal past.

It’s flat.

Crap, I thought to myself. Am I that slow? Am I that out of shape?
Yes and yes. And overweight.

All I have to do is keep going I say to myself.

It will get easier.

To yield the results.

If you’re interested in supporting my Ride to Conquer Cancer, please visit the top left link on my blog page for all the details.

Time Lapsed Love

Real or not.

Taken.

Then fallen.

Lost to dismay.

A cloud hovers.

Bright, yet dark.

Masked by fear.

Is there another?

He tells me yes.

My heart dangles.

We speak.

Fond memories.

Fun.

Laughter.

Dancing.

Music.

Coincidences.

Is it really true?

I am another.

More mind misperceptions.

Misunderstandings.

The sun rises.

The sun sets.

Bewildered concentration.

Grace speaks.

It is a false love.

Goal Triggers

Can life get boring?

Suppose so, if you make it.

Life can also change without notice.

There’s nothing like saying you’re going to do something. And then doing it.

Call it a goal. A focus or a change of scene.

What makes that happen?
Somebody or something points you in a new direction, perhaps. The realization it’s time to do something different. Maybe, because your heart told you so.

But so often, we don’t listen to our hearts.

I live in la la land a lot. It’s true.

I hold out visions of epic adventures. Hurtling explorations into the divine depths of humanity. Bringing people together.

Explaining one’s dream often swells and pairs up with reality and the word, “HOW and with what?”

Does it really matter?

Not the how, it’s the why. The WHY NOT!

Set some goals, dreams or purposes. Hold on to them.

Never let them go.

Sooner or later, you may come an inch closer to what holds you dear.

Goal triggers.

They can do that.

Ringing in 2012

Not the end – a new beginning

For some it’s time to start over.
Not me. It’s an excuse to celebrate.

I’ve been single for years and often spend New Year’s Eve with family or alone. This year I chose to be amongst strangers.

Multi-media is my new game. So I headed down to the W2 Media Cafe for some strolling.

A large dance floor in the basement, another upstairs. I melted into the crowd. Sussing out the eye candy. I warped my eyes into the charismatic colours all over the screens.

Cruising from one floor to the next I found the views of the faces interesting.

I wasn’t the only fourty plus er in attendance!

Lots of times on New Year’s Eve people talk on self-reflection. Personally, family wise, community and globally.

When I look back I think relevance. Everything that happened had it’s place.

And it’s OK I said to myself to be alone. I accept that.

I also accept and am grateful for everything I’ve done in my life and especially where I am today. I look forward to the future. In my own way, making a difference to the world as best as I can – by being me.

Then this line popped into my head as I danced my way into the New Year.

Be who YOU are and LIVE your dreams.

Then all around you will be fine.

Happy 2012.